How to Choose Between “Want” and “Should”

Doing what we want to do brings fulfillment and joy. On the other hand, doing what we think we should do can bring discomfort and confusion. The tricky thing is deciding for ourselves what we truly want and will commit to doing. 

I’ve been working with two executives who are grappling with the decision of whether or not they want to advance in their organizations. I hear things like, “I should want to be the top leader. I should want to make more money.” 

I’ve experienced this myself when my husband and I made the decision in our 50s to quit our good jobs so we could take two years to ride our motorcycles to the southern tip of South America. A big obstacle for us was thinking that we should be making more money to save more for retirement. 

You may be thinking, “Yes! You should want to be the top leader and make more money!” You are not wrong. That’s why discerning what you want versus what you think you should want is complex.

The two executives have done lots of should do’s in their lives. Perhaps that’s why they’re beyond ready to focus more on what they truly want to do. The question is, “What will you commit to doing?”

That’s a big question! To help answer it, you can differentiate between the should do’s and the truly want to do’s by using skills in self-awareness and decision-making.

The first step is noticing when there’s a discrepancy between a should and a want. Here’s a tip. Pay attention to when your internal voice says something like this: I want to __________ but I should __________. When you notice some version of this, put on your sleuth hat and start investigating. 

For example, I want to eat the whole cake but I should only eat a slice. I want to accept the job I’m excited about but I should take the one that pays more. Noticing and questioning is the first step, which involves the cornerstone skill of emotional intelligence: self-awareness.

Connecting with Your True Wants Using Self-Awareness

1. Give yourself space. A client has been giving herself space to do things she likes and to do nothing at all. There’s a saying that goes something like this: the best solutions come when you’re not thinking about the problem. That’s what she’s experiencing. She’s learning more about what she wants and doesn’t want without directly thinking about it. Plus, she’s having fun!

2. 5 Years/5 Scenarios. What might your life look like in the next five years? Create five different scenarios and then choose the one you want. Think about your work, personal life, body, learning, spirituality, and more.

3. Write, draw, paint or create a Vision Board. Express what you want your life to look and feel like. Dare to dream. Imagine what you want in one, five, and 10 years. Lately I’ve needed to remind myself that it’s okay to want. Allow yourself to be wholeheartedly you.

4. Combine data with self-knowledge. Learning about yourself using data may sound counter-intuitive but it’s surprisingly comforting and turbo charges self-awareness.

   When you answer questions about yourself and then read a report based on those answers, you see yourself from a new vantage point. The report won’t get you 100% right. It can’t. But it can give you language about yourself, words that you may not have used to describe yourself but that you know are spot-on.

   The magic happens when you choose what fits and what doesn’t. The key is for the data to be based on science which is why I recommend TTI Success Insights. I use several of their assessment tools with clients. To learn more, reach out to me on JaleneCase.com or visit TTISI.com.

5. Go down the rabbit hole. What have you been curious about doing? What is your internal voice whispering? Perhaps … learn to sail or change jobs or go back to school or start a business. Follow that voice by giving yourself full permission to simply research the topic. Go down any rabbit hole you choose. Google it. Read about it. Reach out to learn more from teachers, authors, businesses, whoever might shed light on what you want to explore.

The more self-awareness you develop, the easier it will be to decide between what you want to do versus what you think you should do. Ask yourself right now, “What do I want to do next?”  I’d love to hear what you learn in that internal conversation. Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Why Less is More When It Comes to Goals

Envisioning a magical scenario in which you’re doing everything you want to is exhilarating, in the beginning. However, adding a dose of realism can give you the best chance of accomplishing what matters most to you.

I see this in myself, my clients, and my friends. We want to do it all right now! We have the best of intentions and list of exciting to dos. Fanning the “do it all” flame is an internal voice that says something like, “When I do it all, I’ll be happy.” Ouch.

In the first month of working with a business coach, I sent a long email with all my precious plans. Secretly I thought he’d be impressed. Instead, his reply was precisely, “Rank the three most important items.” Another ouch! I truly believed that they were all important and thought there was no way I could choose only three.

Now, I’m in that messy space of growing my prioritizing skills and while it’s not a pleasant experience, the end results are bringing me a sense of grounded, purpose and calm. And yes, I managed to choose only three most important items.

 “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.” Neil Peart

Before I dive into making tough choices, which I don’t enjoy doing, I like to take a deep breath and remind myself of why I want to what matters most. Think big picture. Why is it important for you to do the things on your list?

Keep your why in mind as you continue reading.

Ruthlessly Choosing

Start with a brain dump. Write everything that you want to do. Let yourself go wild! If it’s helpful, you can make lists by areas. Ex. work, home, physical, learning, fun, etc.

Next, choose the three things that you will do during each of the following time periods: 30 days, 90 days, and 12 months.

If you want to challenge yourself, list ten things you want to do in the next 10 years.

Warning: Beware of your internal voice. The process of choosing can activate your inner gremlins. Watch out for internal dialogue like this: You don’t need to choose! You’re smart, you really can do it all! No, I don’t want to choose! If I don’t do it all I’m a loser! Look at (insert name of a person you admire) he/she can do it all! Simply notice that mean inner voice but do not engage with it. (Note: The reason I used all exclamation points is because your saboteur voice is loud and insistent while your authentic voice is quiet and calm.)

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” Brené Brown

Consistently Focusing

Now that you know what you want to focus on, how will you support yourself in sticking to it? For me, I know I can’t do it alone. I need what I call the “Weight Watchers” approach. On a regular basis, I need to “weigh-in” in front of another human being to keep me out of the denial zone and in the real zone.

You could hire a coach, partner-up with a friend, colleague, or family member, and/or join a group such as a mastermind that includes accountability. Another person might ask questions or share observations that spur your commitment or make you more aware of what does (and does not!) help you.

To prepare for meeting with your support tribe, you’ll need to track your progress. Developing a system that works for you is the key here. The basic elements for a goal system are writing what you will do, when you will do it, and why it’s important to you. While you’re working hard to keep it real, magic can happen.

“Where focus goes, energy flows.” Tony Robbins

Joyfully Celebrating

Don’t skip this part! Neuroscience shows that celebrating teaches our brain to do more of whatever we’re celebrating. Find a way that feels good to you. Try putting your arms in the air and saying, “Yes!” or “Yay me!” Do a happy dance. Keep track of your little and big wins by writing them down. Oh, and have a wee bit of fun while you do it.

“The more you celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.” Oprah Winfrey

You can do this! Choose, focus, celebrate and pay attention to what happens next. I’d love to hear the tips and tricks you use and the ones you learn as you work through this process. Send them to me at Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Create a Goal System that Works for You With These 13 Ideas to Get Started

Simply setting a goal and expecting to reach it is a recipe for ongoing angst. A goal you truly desire to achieve needs a solid foundation, stepping stones, and tenacious support.

Conversations with my clients lately almost always include the mention of goal-setting. While that may sound logical, that’s not the energy I sense. I hear things like, “I should set some goals for next year. I really want to set some goals but I’m no good at it. I’ve tried doing the goal thing but it doesn’t work for me.” The energy I sense is frustration, self-judgement, and desperation.

I’m with you! I used to feel the same way. Setting goals was no fun. The process led to beating myself up for forgetting to look at the brilliant goals I had written and then when I finally read them again, realizing I had allowed shiny ideas to distract me from what I truly wanted to accomplish. Not anymore.

I’ve built a system to support myself; however, I’m not prescribing my process for you. Instead, I’ll share the components of it so you can create your own awesome way to do what matters most to you. I purposely didn’t go into detail on every element because my intent is to give you enough information to use as a springboard in creating your own system.

Before we begin, let’s set a larger context for goals. The purpose of designing a goal system is for you to create a life you love. Goals are simply the stepping stones along the way. As you continue reading, feel free to change the words to fit your style. Words matter; they can be a turn-off or a turn-on! Also, choose the parts that feel right for you and let the rest go.

Start with a Solid Foundation

This bedrock will be a continuous source of strength for you. I recommend keeping it front and center as a reminder of the larger purpose of your goals.

Annual Theme: Choose a word or phrase to represent your guiding theme for the year. Ex. Fierce Focus, Create a Life I Love, Generosity and Abundance

Values: Which 2-5 values define who you are at your best? Ex. Connection, Usefulness, Curiosity, Courage

Purpose: If you got to design a billboard on a super-busy road, what would you say? Ex. Do what matters most. Be kind.

Love Notes to Myself: What encouraging words do you want to hear? Ex. Keep It Simple Sweetie (K.I.S.S.). Yay you! You got this!

Lay Out the Stepping Stones

This is the working information about your goals. Choose a location and format that works best for you such as a spreadsheet, notebook, or app.

Key End Result: What’s the overall objective or desire? You’ll have 3-5 of these areas. Ex. Build an effective goal system.

Internal Belief: What do you want to believe about that key end result? Ex. I can achieve meaningful goals.

Measurable Action: What are you going to do to achieve that key end result, and when will you do it by? You’ll have several of these for each key end result. Ex. I will start building my goal system by answering each of the questions in the “solid foundation” section by December 31, 2020.

Simple Step: What is one thing you can do immediately to accomplish the measurable action? These will keep the momentum going on your measurable actions. Ex. Schedule 30 minutes to work on my goal system.

Give Yourself Tenacious Support

I’m not going to lie. Sticking with a goal system takes work. But don’t get overwhelmed! It’s totally worth it when you see your desires becoming reality. This last section will make the difference between losing interest in your snazzy new goal system and continually innovating it as you evolve. Tenacious support means giving yourself what you need to be successful.

Visualize: Using all of your senses, what does it look and feel like when your goal is accomplished? Ex. Create a Vision Board or write a detailed description.

Character Traits: Which character traits will support you in reaching your goals? Ex. I will be courageous, tenacious, and kind to others and myself.

People Support: Who will support you in reaching your goals? Ex. Hire a Coach. Start or join a Mastermind group. Find an accountability partner to check in with on a regular basis.

Self-Care: (The secret sauce!) How will you take care of yourself so you have the kind of energy that will support you best? Ex. Exercise on a regular basis. Set aside time to be alone with yourself. Journal. Make art. Get regular massages. Do what makes you feel energized!

Celebrate Often: How will you celebrate the tiny and gigantic successes? Ex. Fist pump in the air while saying, “Yay you!” Share with a friend or colleague. Do a happy dance. Give yourself a special treat.

Now is when the fun and creativity begin. Choose what stands out for you. Innovate. Build your goal system to support yourself in doing what’s most meaningful, important, and exhilarating for you. You got this! If you have questions, I would be happy to support you. Connect with me at Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

5 Tips to Habits that Fit Your Life Now

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Positive habits result in a sweet sense of satisfaction. Are your habits doing that for you? If not, it might be time to strengthen the routines you want to keep and toss the ones that no longer serve you.

This is personal for me. My habits have changed dramatically to fit a 35-year corporate career, two years of traveling by motorcycle in Latin America, and three years of running a business. Each of those areas required very different routines. I bet your helpful habits have changed over the years, too.

I continually get better at seeing how my habits work for me and against me. Recently I asked myself, “How do I fortify the habits that are helping me so I can more easily reach my desired outcomes?” That question lit my curiosity.

As my awareness of habits has increased, I’ve come to believe that whether we’re aware of them or not, they’re a powerful force in our lives. Now, I want to see and use them. I want my habits to bring me feelings of accomplishment, satisfaction, and joy!

If you’re curious about your habits, here are some places to begin honing them.

Start with stopping.

What habits are no longer serving you? They might be left over from another time in your life. Maybe you started doing them unconsciously and, although you know they’re not helping, you’re having trouble unhooking from them.

One of the habits that I’ve stopped is related to taking breaks. My habit was to never take a break at work. Almost all the time, I would eat lunch at my desk, while working on the computer, and not take morning or afternoon breaks.

Thanks to my coach, I stopped that habit. She helped me see that taking breaks actually increased my productivity. Now, I take morning and afternoon breaks, usually with a healthy snack, plus a lunch hour which typically involves eating while listening to a podcast and then listening to a guided meditation.

This habit took time to change. Initially I felt like a loafer! Slowly I noticed a shift. My belief changed from “no breaks means I’m a hard worker” to “breaks mean I’m a smart, productive worker taking care of myself so I don’t burnout.”

How are beliefs connected with habits?

I believed that not taking breaks proved I was working hard. I thought working more hours meant I would be more successful. Now I believe that when I take better care of myself, I do better work which leads to more meaningful success.

Which comes first, the habit change or the belief change? That’s like asking, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” It could go either way. In my example of breaks, first I changed the habit and then my new belief hatched.

Choose what you want first.

Snazzy new habits will lose steam fast if they’re not truly hooked-up with your desires. So, “What do you want?” That’s a simple question and yet so tough to answer sometimes. 

The reason I focused on taking breaks as a habit was because I wanted to build a business in which I could take care of myself rather than burning out like I’d done in the past.

I suggest starting simple. What’s one thing you want? Play with creating one habit related to it. Here’s a trick for making habits stick. Build a habit chain by connecting a new habit to a current one. For example, while drinking coffee in the morning (current habit) write in your journal (new habit) or, when you first sit down at your desk (current), take time to plan your day (new). A habit chain will make new habits easier to start and stick to.

What do you want to learn more about before creating a new habit?

I’ve found that sometimes I don’t know what habit will help me. In that case, learning a new perspective, approach, or process is what guides me toward a new habit.

For example, in the taking a break scenario, my coach introduced the new perspective that breaks lead to increased productivity. Right now, I’m trying out a time-blocking approach I learned from the book Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life. I’m also experimenting with a process for connecting with potential new clients. All of those areas will be stronger with good habits.

K.I.S.S. = Keep It Simple Sweetie

When I’m at my best, I keep things simple rather than complex. Imagine one area of your life that you truly want to make better. Use the tips above to choose one habit that you’re pretty sure will move you closer to what you want. Try it for an appropriate time period. If it works, continue doing it. If it doesn’t work, try a different habit.

You get to be in charge of the habits that you stop and start doing. By noticing them, you can choose to let go of those getting in your way and fortify the ones that will move you toward what you desire. What’s one simple habit that you’ll commit to taking for a test run? I’d love to cheer you on! Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

What’s in Your Self-Resource Toolbox?

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“We have exceeded our surge capacity,” is a phrase I heard recently from Jennifer Louden. I thought, “Yes! That’s what it feels like! My inner surge protector is fried.” At the same time, I realized that I’ve been learning, along with my clients, friends, and family, how to survive the recent deluge of disasters. I bet you have, too.

Changes, especially uncontrollable changes, can leave you craving a way to get beyond the tornado of emotions so you can stand on firm ground again. How can you help yourself move forward? Self-resourcing. By gathering support resources, you can be there for yourself, and as a result, be there for the people you care about most.

Before diving into resource ideas, let’s start with a definition. I define self-resource as being a collection of support sources that can be used to help you be who you want to be, and do what you want to do, especially during challenging times.

Here are some ideas to get started. Try them or use them as springboards to create your own unique collection of self-resourcing tools.

Physically

• Pay attention to what your body is telling you. The physical pain you feel can be an emotional trauma that has manifested in your body. For example, lower back pain might really be related to a traumatic event in your life. (Like a pandemic!) Identifying the origination of the pain can change how you help your body heal.

•  Give yourself permission to move your body in a way that’s pleasurable. Dance with no one watching, stretch those stiff muscles, take a walk. Don’t get trapped by thinking that you’re not doing it right or for long enough. Get curious about what your body is calling for now.

Intellectually

• Write down the unconscious thoughts running around in your head to bring them into your conscious mind. Then, give yourself permission to set some of them aside. By mindfully compartmentalizing your fearful thoughts, you will be able to direct your full attention more effectively toward what’s most important at the time.

• Learn something new or improve in an area that will help you in multiple areas. For example, a coaching client decided that developing her emotional intelligence skills will support her in growing into a big promotion that she received. Depending on your bandwidth to learn right now, this can be on a large scale or tiny. No judgement here. Tiny growth is powerful!

Emotionally

Why bother noticing how you’re feeling? By naming what you’re feeling, the emotion can move through you. When you deny your feelings, they get stuck inside and escape in unexpected ways such as outbursts at people you care for. I appreciate this description from The New York Times, “… naming our emotions tends to diffuse their charge and lessen the burden they create. The psychologist Dan Siegel refers to this practice as ‘name it to tame it’.” (The Importance of Naming Your Emotions, by Tony Schwartz)

Having trouble identifying what you’re feeling? Here’s a way to practice. Set an alarm on your phone to go off three times a day. Each time, answer this question in your mind, “How am I feeling?” There’s no right or wrong answer. In my experience, I notice not only my awareness increasing but my emotional vocabulary growing. Instead of simply saying good or bad, I say focused or distracted. This exercise will improve your self-awareness which is the first step in growing emotional intelligence.

Spiritually

By spiritual, I mean that place inside that feels sacred to you. How can you give yourself more time in that space, even if it’s 10 seconds here and there? The quickest way for me to get that peaceful place is to close my eyes and take one deep breath in, during which I pay attention to my body’s sensations. I usually feel tingles in my chest and a sense of settling. That’s it. That’s enough.

If you have a spiritual practice that you’ve set aside, how might you pick up even a piece of it to resource yourself?

Bonus: Powerful Questions

I love the possibilities that good questions create. Here are some of my favorites that I’ve worked with lately. Which one(s) will increase your resourcefulness?

As you answer these questions, consider, “Will this choice enlarge or diminish me?” (Inspired by the work of James Hollis.)

• What am I willing to accept?

• What do I have to look forward to?

• What choices do I need to make?

Draw a line vertically down the center of a piece of paper. On one side write, “What feels fixed or unchangeable?” On the other side write, “What can I do to help or make myself better?” (Inspired by Jennifer Louden in The Writer’s Oasis.)

Take a moment to list five things you will do to resource yourself. Remember, resourcing yourself directly translates to serving the people who matter most to you. I’d love to hear what’s in your self-resource tool box! Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Move from Blocking to Supporting Yourself

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“I’m my own worst enemy!” Have you ever said this or heard a friend or colleague say it? It can feel frustrating and demotivating to know precisely what we want to accomplish yet take actions that move us in the opposite direction. How can you get out of your own way and support yourself in getting more of what you want?

After working in organizations for more than three decades, I started my own business a few years ago. It surprised me that the gnarliest challenges came from inside me, not from the external skills I was learning. Internal voices that overly criticized and structures that didn’t work blocked me from reaching my goals, dreams, and life purpose. Yes. It’s a big deal! Growing skills to support ourselves is essential if we want to create purposeful, meaningful, lives we love.

While I needed to learn many external, hard skills, I found that those were relatively easy. It was the internal, soft skills that were the trickiest yet had the most far-reaching, positive impact. The exercises that I share below have the potential to change more than you might imagine. Experiment. Pay attention to what’s happening on the outside as a result of the work you’re doing inside.

Subtract What Blocks You

Saboteur Voice

This self-sabotaging voice is also called inner critic or negative self-talk. It’s trying to keep us safe by holding us back so a lion doesn’t eat us. As we venture beyond our comfort zone, it springs into action. It usually sounds mean and loud. Its sentences might start with words such as “you can’t, you should, you must, you’re not enough,” or “you don’t deserve.”

How can you get rid of the Saboteur? Unfortunately, you can’t remove it 100%. However, you can block it from taking control. The most powerful tool you have is to simply notice it and name it. That’s it.

To begin noticing what your inner critic says, bring to mind something new and difficult that you did recently. Then, take a minute and jot down what the Saboteur was saying to you internally during that experience. For example, “Who do you think you are? You can’t do that!” Remember, simply notice.

Identifying your Saboteur’s language means you’ll recognize it sooner so you can boot it out of the driver’s seat and into the back seat where it belongs.

Limiting Beliefs

Limiting beliefs are hidden in our subconscious minds and constrain us in some way. Because we unconsciously believe them, we don’t do or say things that they inhibit. For example, “I don’t deserve to earn a six-figure income.” That type of limiting belief constrains your actions.

Working with a professional coach is an excellent way to unearth these limiting beliefs. For now, here’s a hack for you. Rather than identifying your limiting beliefs, do the reverse. Write as many answers as you can using this prompt: “I want to believe …”

Keep your list of what you want to believe in a place you see it often to consciously choose your beliefs.

Digging down into these areas is usually not pleasant. I know from experience. I also know that the reward is worth it.

Add What Supports You

Sage Voice

Your Sage Voice is here to give you some love! This voice sounds kind and quiet, which means it takes intention to hear it. It says things like, “You got this! You’re learning so give yourself a break. It’s going to be okay.”

The best way to connect with your Sage is to stop for a moment. Even pausing for ten seconds makes a difference. My favorite ways are to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths, stand outside for a few minutes doing nothing but sensing my surroundings, listen to a guided meditation, or take a walk.

Create a Container

Designing a container for yourself can bring freedom and fun. Really! My definition of a container is a system or framework that supports you. This will look different for all of us. Start by designing what you think will work for you now and then continue refining it as you learn and grow. The first step is the toughest!

For example, in order for me to feel free to work and have fun along the way, I need processes and people.

For my processes, I have structures in place for goals, daily tasks, writing blogs, recording videos, morning rituals, and monthly e-letters. Those systems bring me calm focus and a sense of accomplishment.

Here’s what I mean by needing people to support me. I thrive with a coach, an accountability partner, groups with a shared vision such as The Complete Leader program, and regularly doing yoga classes and running with a friend.

Your container will vary based on your needs. Imagine this as an infrastructure that supports you in doing what’s most important to you. What will help you be at your best?

By noticing your self-talk, choosing what you want to believe, and creating your container, you will be your biggest ally. I’d love to hear what your support system looks like! Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Paddle Toward Your Vision

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Our responsibilities can toss us around like we’re rafting through white-water rapids without a paddle. Our direction feels like it’s utterly controlled by the river. This is how it can feel when we don’t have a clear vision and goals guiding us to where we want to go.

I knew where I was heading and how I was going to get there before the pandemic hit. And then, for a while there, it felt like I was on a wild river without a paddle! To stick with this metaphor…now I see my path forward and have paddles in-hand to take me where I want to go. Here’s what my route looked like.

1. First, I felt mad and frustrated.

2. Then, I took advantage of several virtual learning opportunities.

3. Slowly, a new vision of my future began to emerge.

4. Recently, I wrote my new vision and goals and feel more focused and productive than ever.

In the past, I would have lingered longer in a state of busyness that gave me a false sense of purpose based on getting something done. This time, I went inside first to clarify what I wanted and how to get it. I didn’t get lost in wishing things were different. I took action – even though it was mostly uncomfortable – to make changes from the inside out.

Imagine you have a blank canvas in front of you and that your vision and goals are going to paint your future. Like every artist’s work is original, your approach will be your own. Use the ideas below to stimulate your inner creative, visionary.

Clarify Your Vision

Choose the exercise(s) that will help you paint your vision of the future.

• Write or Mind Map what you want your future to look like. Include every sensory detail possible and the aspect of your life that you want to focus on now.

• Use the Wild Writing technique by Natalie Goldberg. This method helps bypass the inner critic and get to what I call our inner operating system. Hold the topic of your vision in mind. Write for 10-minutes using the prompt “I know…” and then (shake your hand out!), and use the prompt “I don’t know…” to write for another 10-minutes. Follow these rules:

  • Don’t lift your pen from the paper.

  • Keep writing no matter what. If you don’t know what to write then write “I don’t know what to write” until something else comes.

  • Go for the jugular. You can burn or shred it later!

  • Don’t go back and correct anything. You can do that when you’re finished.

• Consider these questions through writing, speaking the answers into your phone, pondering them while walking, or sharing them with someone you trust.

  • What do I want more of in my life? What do I want less of in my life?

  • If I could wave a magic wand, I would…

  • If I were to step into a way of being that represents me more fully, I would…

• Make a Vision Board by gluing images to paper that represent the future you want. Tips: Choose metaphorical images such as facial expressions that represent how you want to feel or images that represent something tangible you want like a new BBQ grill, dog, or house. Use any paper you want. I’ve used everything from letter-size to poster-size. Give yourself uninterrupted time to create this visual image of your future.

Craft Your Goals

Disclaimer: I have a love/hate relationship with goals. I hate declaring what I will do because it means I have to abandon (for now!) some of my bright shiny ideas. I love that goals tether me, in the best way possible, to the future I want.

Goals work when they’re held within a system that works for you. Design your process. Work with it. Innovate it over and over again so it’s a valuable tool for you.

Tips for building a goal system:

• Connect them to your values and vision.

• Language matters so use words that inspire you (for example, instead of goal use action or target).

• Key Results (which I call Desires) set a general direction (such as connect with clients, earn a healthy income, etc.).

• Monthly and Quarterly Goals maintain focus on specific actions to achieve Key Results. These are the S.M.A.R.T. goals (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound).

• Post Key Results and Goals in a prominent spot to minimize Squirrel! moments.

• Share the results out loud monthly, with a person you trust, to stay true to yourself.

• Take 15-minutes in the morning to write what you will do that day.

• Consider what will support you in terms of habits, people, structures, etc.

• Celebrate often! Based on neuroscience, celebration teaches our brain to do more of whatever we’re celebrating. I like to raise my arm in the air and say, “Yay me!”

Discerning your vision and goals will make riding the river of life much more fulfilling and meaningful. I’m a geek when it comes to learning about goal systems so I’d love to hear what yours looks like. Send me a note to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

The Power of Coming Back to Your Foundation

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Experiencing imbalance and balance is part of living. How might we lead ourselves from chaos to order? Carl Jung said, “In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.” There’s a new way forward waiting for you to discover it. Before making direction-changing decisions, check the integrity of your foundation. Who are you now?

During a coaching session, my client was grappling with a decision that would change the trajectory of her career. She felt clear about what she didn’t want; however, the vision for what she wanted was still fuzzy. We were working together on clarifying her future when she brilliantly said, “I want to revisit my foundation.” To her that meant recognizing what she learned in her current professional role over the last several years, plus naming her values, priorities, and focus.

Whether it’s your career or another aspect of your life that you want to make changes in, don’t start with the vision. Inspect your foundation first. Get to know the person you’ve become, then build your foreseeable future on that bedrock.

Here are some tools to use in your discovery process.

What are the values I choose to live by now?

Values are who we are. They’re not who we’d like to be or who we think we should be. Values describe how we’re living right now. Whether you have your values listed or not, take a fresh look at them.

Here are five different pathways to your values. Experiment with one or more until you’ve unearthed the values that are most meaningful to you, the values that will forge your robust foundation.

• Bring to mind a peak moment in your life, one that was especially rewarding or poignant. What were the values being honored in that moment?

• Bring to mind a moment when you were angry, frustrated, or upset. Name what you were feeling and then flip it to reveal a value. For example, if feeling trapped or cornered caused you extreme frustration, freedom might be one of your values.

• What are your “must haves?” What do you need to feel fulfilled, rewarded, satisfied? For example, you might need creative expression or adventure or excitement.

• Ask yourself these questions from Growing Influence by Ron Price and Stacy Ennis. What are the values by which I govern myself? What are the values by which I relate to others?

• Narrow down your values to only two (yes two!) by asking yourself these questions from Dare to Lead by Brenè Brown. Does this define me? Is this who I am at my best? Is this a filter that I use to make hard decisions?

If you want to look at a list of values as a resource for widening your vocabulary, there are plenty of great resources online. Simple search for a values list.

Don’t rush the process. You may know your values right away or you may want to try some on for a while to see if they fit. Our values can change over time, so give yourself permission to let go of the ones that served you well in the past, and embrace the values that you connect with now.

What do I want to prioritize now?

Start by reading through the lists below. Which area – Life, Leadership, or Career – would you like to focus on now?

Areas of Life                           Areas of Leadership              Areas of Career Career                                     Plan/Budget                            Autonomy

Family & Friends                     Promote Change                     Income

Romance    Stability & Order  Relationships

Fun & Recreation                   Motivate/Inspire                     Vision/Strategy

Health                                     Problem Solve                         Managing Change

Money                                     Align People                            Development

Personal Growth                   Organize/Staff                        Creativity

Physical Environment           Establish Direction                  Support

Next, rank your satisfaction in each of the categories below the area you chose. For example, in the area of Life, the first category is Career. Use a scale of 1-10: 0 = extremely dissatisfied and 10 = extremely satisfied.

Last, choose which of the categories you want to focus on improving. This is where it might get tricky. You don’t have to select the lowest ranked one. You get to choose based on what’s most important to you now. You might pick the one that will mitigate the most pain, the one that will have the biggest positive impact or the one that’s most exciting to you.

I know, choosing can be hard! And yet, it will propel you forward in seemingly magical ways. I like what Tony Robbins has to say about it, Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant.

By naming your values and prioritizing, you give yourself a firm foundation to stand on. From this clear, stable, and steady place, what’s one step that you will take right now to move you 10% closer to what you want? I’d love to hear about your experience with this! Send me an email to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Drop Your Armor to Get What You Want

What would it look like to drop the armor you’ve been using to defend yourself? What are you protecting yourself from? I believe we want to shield our soul’s desires because we don’t want to risk injuring them. The crazy thing is that when we keep them locked up in a tower with the draw bridge lifted, we block out fulfillment, accomplishment, and joy.

A coaching client shared that she wanted to drop her armor and put down her weapons. The declaration surprised me because we were talking about what she wanted to do, not what someone else was asking her to do. As we dug deeper, she realized that she was blocking herself with unhelpful, unkind thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and actions. Knowing what she wanted was not the problem. Allowing herself to make progress toward her practical goals and soul’s desires was the challenge she faced.

A typical strategy is to identify the besieging thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and actions. Instead, my client and I opted for the opposite approach. She laid down her armor and gave herself permission to imagine what she wanted rather than what she didn’t want.

For a few minutes, allow your illusory armor to drop, set down your shield and weapons, and give yourself permission to open to what you want.

What do you want to think?

Thoughts become things. It’s that simple and that complex, which is why there have been many books written and movies made on the topic. The average person has around 48.6 thoughts per minute, which adds up to 70,000 thoughts per day, according to the Laboratory of Neuro Imaging at the University of Southern California.

Let’s narrow this down. Bring to mind one thing that you really, truly want to do, have, or achieve. What do you want to think about your approach to doing it? What do you want to think about your chances of being successful at doing it? Give yourself permission to think those thoughts, even though it might feel scary right now to do it.

The thoughts may sound like: I got the promotion. I have a successful business. My body is strong and healthy. Every day I meditate for at least one minute. I’m a great listener.

What do you want to believe?

On the opposite side of what you want to believe is your limiting beliefs. I want to acknowledge that there’s value in unearthing your limiting beliefs so you can see and choose to change them. However, for now, you’re going to give your full attention to what you want to believe without diving into your unconscious limiting beliefs.

Put yourself in a location and state of mind that will allow you to freely imagine what you want to believe. Write as many as you can – 20, 40, 60 or more! For example: I want to believe that I make healthy eating choices. I want to believe that the best outcome will happen. I want to believe that I am creating a life I love. I want to believe that I earn enough money for myself and enough to share with others.

When you’re done for now, put the list in a place you can see and read it often. Act as if you believe them. Begin to validate them by noticing what happens when your actions reflect your beliefs.

What do you want to feel?

The first step in developing emotional intelligence is to practice self-awareness. In other words, to notice what you’re feeling. The next step is to regulate yourself, to choose your actions rather than unconsciously blurting out whatever you think or feel. In this same vein, consider how you want to feel.

Bring to mind a situation that causes you angst. Let’s say, Monday mornings. Perhaps, on Sunday evening you begin thinking about Monday morning and feel anxious, depressed, or worried. What would you like to feel instead? What if you felt inspired, upbeat, or proud? In your mind, practice saying what you want to feel.

What do you want to do?

Doing what you truly want to do starts on the inside with your thoughts, beliefs, and feelings. But magic can’t happen until you take action.

When I was an executive director, an endowment consultant once told me that while developing a strategic plan is crucial, she knew that magic would happen once we got out there and took action. She was right. We achieved a multi-million-dollar goal with happy surprises that happened while we were working our plan. (Thank you, Jill Burnette.)

Choose one thing that you want to accomplish. What action will you commit to taking that will move you toward what you want? Baby steps and tiny habits are astonishingly effective! Know that magic can happen when you start taking action.

You might rearrange your routine to accommodate 30 minutes, three days a week, for writing, art-making, or walking. After brushing your teeth at night, you might meditate for one minute.

Our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and actions can form impenetrable defenses that block us from everything – the sorrow and the joy. Or, we can drop the armor, lower the draw bridge and let the good in. I’d love to hear which of these areas made a difference for you. Send me a note to Jalene@JaleneCase.com.

Freeing Our Work Spirit

Our poor work spirits have taken quite a hit during this pandemic. By “work spirit” I mean the part of us that loves the work we’ve chosen to do and relishes the rewards we receive for doing it well. I’ve talked with people who are still working in their jobs, people who have laid off all their employees but are still working, and solopreneurs trying to stay afloat. Everyone is exhausted.

It takes an inordinate amount of energy to work right now. Our internal systems are overloaded by analyzing decisions that didn’t require our attention a month ago. We have to ask ourselves: Am I far enough away from that person? How can I reduce the number of trips to the grocery store? How do I not look like a total dork on Zoom? Why aren’t I using this time for my big, dream projects? It’s no wonder we’re wiped out!

How do we free ourselves so we can enjoy our work again? We can’t extricate ourselves by continuing to do the same things faster or longer, or forcing ourselves with mean internal thoughts, or comparing ourselves to other people we imagine never get stuck.

I propose giving ourselves some grace and space to loosen the ropes that are constricting us.

Consider these untying tips for freeing up your work spirit.

Mighty Metaphor

What’s a metaphor that represents how you want to feel about your work or business right now?

We get stuck in the stories we tell ourselves. They become our truth even though they are most likely not true. This process shifts our perspective and opens us to new viewpoints.

Here’s an example to jump start your imagination. Metaphor: My business has been in a car accident, t-boned by another vehicle. It’s not my fault and yet my business is physically injured. I need to help it heal. When our bodies are healing, we take care of them and know that recovery will take time with plenty of ups and downs along the way.

What metaphor comes to mind for you for your work environment? How might a change in perspective shift your attitude and actions?

Sweet Self-Compassion

As soon as I utter the words, “We need to give ourselves even more self-compassion,” anyone I’m with says, “Yes!” We innately know that compassion is a good thing.

The most basic definition of self-compassion is talking to yourself with the same kindness you would use with a friend. My go-to person in this area is Dr. Kristin Neff (self-compassion.org).

Dr. Neff offers this activity that you can do right now:

1. Put both hands on your heart, pause, and feel their warmth.

2. Breathe deeply in and out.

3. Speak these words to yourself, out loud or silently, in a warm and caring tone:

This is a moment of suffering.

Suffering is a part of life.

May I be kind to myself in this moment.

May I give myself the compassion I need.

How are you feeling now? Simply notice.

Soothe Yourself

Consider what you need physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Remember that when you’re taking care of yourself, you are immensely more effective at taking care of the other people and work in your life. It is not selfish. Imagine putting the oxygen mask on yourself first or filling your cup so you have plenty to share.

A participant recently shared this concept with our leadership development group. Each of us shows up to work with one cup of empathy. We can either pour all of it on one person or disburse it drip-by-drip throughout the day. When it’s gone, that’s it. The problem is that sometimes the cup is emptied at work and we have nothing left for our families. The group immediately wondered, “How do we increase the size of our cup so we have more empathy to give?” The answer. Take care of ourselves first.

How might you take a little better care of yourself? The people and work in your life will thank you. What is one practice that you will do for the next week to free your work spirit? I’d love to hear what worked for you. Connect with me at Jalene@JaleneCase.com.